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Diane Dreher's Tao of Inner Peace Blog

Creating Connections and Community

With the COVID pandemic, many of us have been feeling lonely and isolated. The rates of loneliness and depression have increased exponentially during the past two years. [1] We've been cut off from our usual work and leisure activities, deprived of in-person interactions with friends, neighbors, coworkers, and loved ones.  No wonder so many people have adopted dogs during the pandemic.

 

Research has shown that social isolation and loneliness are hazardous to our health, associated with a weakened immune system, increased inflammation, high blood pressure, poor sleep quality, eating disorders, metabolic syndrome, and depression.[2]

 

The Tao Te Ching encourages us to find ways to reach out, to recognize our part in the larger whole, saying:

 

"The Tao person creates harmony

Reaching out

From the heart

To build community."[3]

 

My book, The Tao of Inner Peace offers steps to help people transcend their isolation to build greater community. Some of these are to:

 

  1. Pause for a moment to ask where you've found connection and community in the past—in your family, your neighborhood, at work, in a church, synagogue, mosque, or community group, or somewhere else?
  2. Think of something  you can do now to strengthen your community. Can you re-connect virtually with a text, email, or call? Join your group online? Something else?
  3. Consider your natural community, the plants and wildlife around you. How much do you know about them? Find out more about the local birds, animals, and plants, recognizing your part in the network of life.
  4. Take one action step to connect with your community this week. [4]

 

These connections are incredibly good for our health.  Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson has found this healing effect in what she calls "micromoments of connectivity," brief moments of connection with others. You can make these connections not only with close friends and family but a neighbor, the grocery store clerk or anyone you encounter in daily life. A simple smile, eye contact, presence, perhaps a kind word—that's all it takes. You can feel  the effect of these connections with a new surge of energy and positivity. And these connections benefit both people, dramatically improving our health, raising our mood, relieving stress, and reducing inflammation to promote greater physical and emotional well-being.[5]  

 

I've been making more of these connections lately on my daily walks and routine errands, connecting with words of appreciation for my neighbors working in the local hardware store and grocery store. While walking my dog Ginny around the neighborhood, I focus on reconnecting with nature—noticing the subtle changes in the trees, the first spring daffodils, and the birds flying overhead. I practice micromoments of connectivity—by saying "hi" to neighbors working in their yards or waving at them as they drive by. And more often now, they wave back, reinforcing our connection.

 

Now it's your turn.

  • Close your eyes,  take a deep mindful breath and release it, then another.
  • As you connect with the rhythm of your breathing, ask yourself "What is one way I can connect with my local community today?" It can be as simple as taking a walk outside, introducing yourself to a neighbor, or calling up an old friend.
  • What will you do?  Choose one simple action.
  • Visualize yourself doing this. What does it look like and feel like?
  • Now gently open your eyes and begin taking that one simple step to nurture your community.

 
[1] Ettman, C.K., Cohen, G.H., Abdalla, G.H., Sampson, L., Trinquart, L., Castrucci, B.C. et al. (2022). Persistent depressive symptoms during COVID-19: a national, population-representative, longitudinal study of U.S. adults. The Lancet, 5, 10091,Https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanam/article/PIIS2667-193X(21)00087-9/fulltext

 

 
[2] Cacioppo, J. T., Hawkley, L.C., Crawford, E., Ernst, J.M., Burleson,M.H., Kowaleswski, R.B., Malarkey, W. B., Van Cauter, E., & Berntson, G.G. (2002). Loneliness and health: Potential mechanisms. Psychosomatic Medicine 64, 407-417.

 

 
[3] From the Tao Te Ching, 49. An earlier version of this article appeared in Dreher, D. (2000). The Tao of Inner Peace. New York, NY: Penguin Putnam, now available as an ebook. A new audiobook edition was published by Penguin Random House in January 2022. 

 
[4] Dreher, 2000/2022.

 
[5] Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become. New York, NY: Hudson Street Press.

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Tao Wisdom for Our Time

The Tao Te Ching can offer new insights about what we've been experiencing during these past two years of Covid restrictions. Ordinarily, American culture is extremely yang—active, busy, with nonstop commitments, noise,  and external stimulation. For many of us, rushing from one thing to the next had become a mindless habit. Then with Covid, we've been shocked out of our habitual yang activity. One friend of mine says we've been under "house arrest,"

 

We've had more yin time to ourselves, to reflect, to ask if what we've been doing makes sense. With the Great Resignation, many people have quit their jobs, gone back to school, seeking new professions, new directions in their lives.

 

The Tao reminds us that contemplative yin time brings awareness and yang is action. Without yin, yang is mindless action. Without yang, inaction leads to stagnation. We need balance.

 

As we emerge from these many months of enforced yin time, we can create more mindful action, asking if what we've been doing makes sense, fits our spirit, in our jobs, social activities, and relationships.

 

The Tao Te Ching tells us:

 

"The Tao person

Seeks inner wisdom,

Lets go of excess,

Affirms truth."

                   (Tao, chapter 12)

 

To live your truth, you can ask yourself these questions:

  • What have I been missing? What activities and relationships do I really value?
  • What do I not miss at all? –activities and relationships that were only habits.

 

You can cultivate the balance of yin and yang in your life by:

  • Seeking out periods of silence each day, time to reflect on our lives
  • Spending some time in the natural world.

 

And when contemplating any new commitment, you can ask yourself:

  • Is it necessary?
  • Is it healthy?
  • Will it bring greater joy and peace to my life and my world?

If it doesn't fit these criteria, then why do it? Living the Tao means living mindfully and creatively.

 

The Tao teaches the wisdom of the seasons. You can emerge from this long Covid winter ready to make more mindful choices, to plant seeds for personal renewal in a springtime of new beginnings.

 

I wish you joy on the path.

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Connecting with Nature's Healing Power

If you've been feeling down, frustrated, anxious, or low energy lately, you're not alone. Research at the National Institutes of Mental Health has reported a dramatic increase in depression and anxiety during the COVID pandemic. [1] Millions of us have lost our sense of stability, hope, and personal security.

 

Long ago, in another time of stress and upheaval, 25 centuries ago during the warring states period in ancient China, Lao Tzu found renewed hope and peace of mind by connecting with nature and wrote the Tao Te Ching.

 

Today, research has found that connecting with nature can heal us on many levels. Research in a Philadelphia hospital found that abdominal surgery patients with a view of trees outside their windows suffered from fewer complications, needed less pain medication, and were discharged sooner than patients with the same surgery and hospital conditions whose rooms looked out at only bare brick walls. [2]

 

Recent research has shown that connecting with nature can bring us feelings of awe, renewing our hope by expanding our vision beyond ourselves.[3] We can feel awe when we see a radiant sunset, the grandeur of snow capped mountains, or giant redwood trees towering above us. We can also be inspired by small green signs of life as spring bulbs emerge from the cold winter earth.

 

This week I was feeling drained by all the challenges in my life.  But as I walked out my back door, I noticed that the snow pea seeds I'd planted last week had sprouted. Now  tiny seedlings were raising their green heads above the soil. Their small green leaves connected me to the renewing power of nature and brought new hope to my day.

 

What is one thing you can do to experience nature's healing power--

  • Take a walk around your neighborhood or in a nearby park?
  • Look up to watch the clouds overhead or gaze at the stars in the night sky?
  • Plant seeds of spring flowers and vegetables and watch them grow?
  • If the ground is still frozen where you live, grow herbs on a sunny kitchen windowsill
  • Put a bird feeder near your window and watch the birds fly in to enjoy a meal.
  • Find some other way to connect with nature?

 

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and visualize yourself doing this.

 

For as the Tao Te Ching tells us:

 

"When we value ourselves

As part of nature

And value nature

As ourselves,

We're at home

In the oneness

Of Tao."

(Tao, 13)[4]

 

Now open your eyes and reach out to connect with the healing power of nature.

 

I wish you joy on the path.

 

References



[1] Hossain, M. M., Tasnim, S., Sultana, A., Faizah, F., Mazumder, H., Zou, L., McKyer, E., Ahmed, H. U., & Ma, P. (2020). Epidemiology of mental health problems in COVID-19: a review. F1000Research, 9, 636. https://doi.org/10.12688/f1000research.24457.1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7549174/

 
[2] Ulrich, R. S. et al. (1984). View through a window may influence recovery from surgery. Science, 224, 420-421.

 
[3] Keltner, D. & Haidt, J. (2003). Approaching awe, a moral, spiritual, and aesthetic emotion. Cognition and Emotion, 17, 297.

 
[4] An earlier version of this article appeared in Dreher, D. (2000). The Tao of Inner Peace. New York, NY: Penguin Putnam, now available as an ebook. A new audiobook edition was published by Penguin Random House in January 2022.  To preview the audiobook, click here.

 

 

 

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Returning to Center

The Tao Te Ching tells us:

 

"The solid earth is our foundation.

The calm center prevails in a whirlwind.

Those who follow the Tao may travel all day

And still feel at home.

However events may whirl around them,

They remain centered and calm."

(Tao Te Ching, chapter 26)

 

Centering focuses our energies so we can respond with greater calm, clarity, and power. Years ago, while training in the nonviolent martial art of aikido, I learned how to throw an opponent twice my size by moving from center.

 

In these stressful times, being able to return to center can help you connect with new power and possibility. To do this:

 

  • Go off by yourself for a few minutes, taking time to refocus your energies.
  • Stand with your knees slightly bent and your arms relaxed, held out in front of you at waist level.
  • Focus your attention on your hara, your center of power two inches below your navel.
  • Take a deep breath and release it, letting go of all tension.
  • Breathe in slowly and deeply, focusing on the hara, taking in new energy.
  • Now release this breath, feeling more centered, relaxed, and at peace.

 

After some practice, you'll be able to return to center by merely focusing on the hara while taking a deep mindful breath. Swiftly, effortlessly, you can center yourself in any situation.

 

I wish you joy on the path.

Diane

 

If you'd like to sample the new Tao of Inner Peace audiobook, click on this link

 

 

 

 

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The Wisdom of Nature’s Cycles

The ancient wisdom of the Tao Te Ching tells us:

 

"The Tao moves by returning

In endless cycles.

By yielding, it overcomes,

Creating the ten thousand things,

Being from nonbeing."

                           (Tao Te Ching, 40)

 

The Tao Te Ching teaches a vision of life as a process, constantly moving, changing, and growing as cycles of energy circulate throughout all creation.

 

We experience these cyclical patterns by getting close to nature. We can watch an apple tree blossom in springtime and bear fruit in summer. In autumn, its leaves fall to the ground. Slowly disintegrating into humus, they enrich the soil, bringing new energy to the tree in spring.

 

The cold winter weather is part of the pattern. The "chill factor," a prolonged period of temperature below 45 degrees, is essential for apple trees to blossom and bear fruit. The trees must spend enough time in a state of dormancy (yin) to spring forth with new life (yang).Reconciling opposites in endless harmony, the seasons turn and the cycle begins again.

 

For centuries, Taoist and Buddhist monks have regarded cyclical work—gardening, cooking, housecleaning—as spiritual exercises. In our daily lives we too can participate in nature's cycles of renewal by doing something cyclical like:

  • Planting a garden,
  • Growing herbs on a sunny windowsill,
  • Planting a tree and tending it,
  • Recycling our cans, bottles, and newspapers,
  • Making a compost pile—recycling kitchen scraps into natural nutrients for the soil.

 

Each of these practices affirms our participation in a pattern far larger than ourselves. Each practice physically benefits the planet while renewing our vision of the cycles of life.

 

On an individual level, each of us has our daily energy cycles or circadian rhythms. We have peak periods during the day when our energy flows the most strongly. This is our prime time, or yang. During our lag time our energies diminish and we feel tired as the cycle turns to yin.

 

Becoming aware of our daily cycles can help us live more creatively. Years ago, my friend Bill, a wise physics professor, taught me an important lesson. Optimistic and productive, he scheduled his day around his circadian rhythms, doing his research and teaching during his morning prime time and saving routine work like opening the mail for his lag time, 3:00 in the afternoon. I've followed his example over the years, realizing that, for each of us, our personal energy cycle is a vital natural resource.

 

Personal Exercise

  • Take a few moments now to reflect and identify your own daily cycle. When is your best time of the day? When is your prime time when your creative energies are the highest? Are you a morning, afternoon, or night person?
  • What time of day do your energies decrease?
  • Can you track your daily cycle? Where are yin and yang for you?

  

This month, as we begin the cycle of another new year, I'm excited that Penguin Random House is publishing a new audiobook edition of my book, The Tao of Inner Peace, which offers more lessons on living in harmony with the cycles of nature.

 

I wish you joy in this new cycle of your life.

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Building Greater Hope for the New Year

This year's holiday season has brought us the Omicron variant, supply chain delays, divisive politics, economic uncertainty, and underlying anxiety. What can we do to create greater peace as we begin the new year?

 

The Hopeful Mindsets project offers five steps to help us build greater hope throughout the new year. Bringing greater light to our dark winter days, these five steps spell "SHINE."

 

S-Stress Skills. First, we need to stop rushing. Rushing puts our bodies under chronic stress, shutting down our immune system and higher brain functions. Meditation teacher Eknath Easwaran called our fast-paced life "the hurry sickness" (Easwaran, 2016) a frantic pace that only increases during the holidays. To regain a more centered and coherent state when you catch yourself rushing, pause, focus on your heart, and take a few slow mindful breaths (Childre, Martin, Rozman, & McCraty, 2016). When you're feeling stressed, give yourself a break—for example, exercise, connect with nature, talk to a friend, or listen to calming music.

 

H-Happiness Habits. Give yourself time to recharge your energies with habits that renew you. Think of ways you find renewal. Beginning your days with a positive morning routine? Eating healthy food? Getting regular exercise? Spending time with friends? Creating art? Playing a musical instrument? Whatever renews you, make it a regular habit in your life.

 

I- Inspired Action. This year, set a positive intention for yourself. Think of a meaningful goal in one area of your life. Write down three simple steps to reach that goal with an alternate for each if that step doesn't work out. Take a few moments to visualize yourself taking these steps, overcoming roadblocks with your alternative steps, and reaching your goal. Then maintain your motivation with positive self-talk, recalling past achievements and telling yourself, "I did that then and I can do this now" (Feldman & Dreher, 2012).

 

N-Networking for Hope. Expand your sense of community by practicing what psychologist Barbara Fredrickson (2013) calls "micro-moments of connectivity," reaching out with a greeting or kind word to your neighbor, the grocery store clerk, or anyone else you meet in daily life. Share your goals, successes, and setbacks with supportive people who care about you. These can include your best friend, a trusted family member, supportive mentor, teacher, doctor, faith leader, counselor, or coach. Research has shown that simple acts of connection can dramatically improve the health of both giver and receiver, raising our mood, relieving stress, and reducing inflammation, creating a positive ripple effect to promote greater well-being for ourselves and our communities (Bertera, 2005; Fredrickson, 2013).

 

E- Eliminating Hope Challenges. What drains your energy and drags you down? Is it something external—excessive television, YouTube videos, social media, continual interruptions, a cluttered household, or a chronic complainer in your life? Or is it an internal habit—constant worry or an inner critic that tells you you're "not good enough"? Either way, use your stress skills, happiness habits, and hopeful networking to shift your attention from the darkness to the light of greater hope.

 

Finally, you can pause to appreciate the gifts of this winter season. Take time to reflect on a thoughtful message from a friend, your favorite music, the light in a loved one's eyes, or the beauty of a winter sunset. Moments of appreciation and gratitude not only help us feel better in the moment but can progressively rewire our brains, forming new neural connections to create a brighter outlook for the new year (Emmons, 2007; Siegel, 2010).

__________

 

References

 

 

Bertera, E. M. (2005). Mental health in US adults: The role of positive social support and social negativity in personal relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,22(1), 33-48.

 

Childre, D., Martin, H., Rozman, D., & McCraty, R. (2016). Heart intelligence. Waterfront Press.

 

Easwaran, E. (2016). Passage meditation. Tomales,CA: Blue Mountain Center of Meditation.

 

Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks! How practicing gratitude can make you happier. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin.

 

Feldman, D. B. and Dreher, D. E. (2012). Can hope be changed in 90 minutes? Testing the efficacy of a single-session goal-pursuit intervention for college students.  Journal of Happiness Studies, 13, 745-759.

 

Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become. New York, NY: Hudson Street Press.

 

Hopeful Mindsets Project. https://hopefulmindsets.com/about-hopeful-mindsets/

 

Siegel, D. J. (2010) Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. New York, NY: Bantam.

 

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Who Do You Admire?

To answer this question, focus not on celebrities or famous people in the news, but someone you've known who has touched your life and taught you an important lesson.

 

My high school civics teacher, Miss Sirabian, made a positive difference in my life. Unlike other teachers, she never talked down to her students. She was the first adult I ever knew who treated me as an equal.

 

Her class required lots of work. We studied American history, the Constitution and the founding principles of our democracy. And we had to do our own journalistic research, relating these principles to political issues and events in the daily news.

 

Each day, Miss Sirabian would ask us questions about all this. Dark-haired and petite, she would pace back and forth, challenging us to deal with hard concepts, asking us what we thought about politics, power, and world events. Then she'd sit at the front of her desk with a deep sense of presence, listening thoughtfully and sharing her own insights.

 

Born of Armenian immigrants, she took her American citizenship very seriously. 'In a democracy, it's not only our right but our duty to participate,' she said, adding, 'I've never missed an election in my life.'

With her dedication, openness, and authenticity, Miss Sirabian touched this class of unruly teenagers, making us aware of our destiny and duty as citizens. She took our ideas, our lives, and our collective future seriously and because of this, so did we.

 

Now, many years later, I realize how much her example has meant to me. For I, too, have never missed an election in my life. I have contacted state and federal representatives on issues I care about, registered voters, and worked to get out the vote by walking precincts, distributing flyers, and, lately, doing lots of phone banking.

 

I will always be grateful to Miss Sirabian for treating all of her students with equal respect, for living the democracy she taught, and for teaching us that we are responsible for the world we create.

 

Now it's your turn.

  • For the next few moments, pause to recall someone in your life who has taught you a vital lesson—an older relative, neighbor, teacher, coach, or someone else you've known.
  • As you connect with this person in your memory, breathing  a little more slowly and deeply than usual.
  • Focus on your heart as you experience appreciation and gratitude for their presence in your life.
  • Feel this sense of gratitude flowing through you, reaching out to them through the distance of time to that space where we're all connected.
  • And breathe their lesson into your heart.

When you're ready, gently open your eyes and ask yourself, "How can I express more of this lesson in my life today?"

 

I wish you joy on the path.

 

References

 

An earlier version of this story appeared in Dreher, D. (2000). The Tao of Inner Peace. New York, NY: Penguin Putnam. A new audio edition of The Tao of Inner Peace will be published in January, 2022 by Penguin Random House.

 

The breathing exercise incorporates the Heart-Focused Breathing technique from the HeartMath Institute. For more information on their breathing techniques for better health and greater peace of mind, see https://www.heartmath.org/

 

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Creating a Circle of Light

Last Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent and the first night of Hanukkah—a time to light candles of hope to light the darkness. This is the darkest time of the year. The nights grow longer until the winter solstice on December 21st. And this is a dark time in our world today, with Covid, political discord, anxiety, and confusion all around us.

 

Yet each of us can light candles in the darkness.  In my church, we used to stand in a circle holding small white candles. One person would light a candle, then use that candle to light the one held by the person standing next to them until gradually, the whole chapel was filled with a circle of light.

 

Lately, on dark mornings when it's hard to get out of bed, I've been practicing a new  meditation, creating a circle of light to begin my day. In a practice inspired by Buddhist teacher John Makransky (2007), I recall my many benefactors—those individuals who have brought love and light into my life. I think of my grandmother, my Aunt Norine, my dear cousins Norma and Jerry, my first dog Cinder, my best friends in high school, college, and grad school, the kind professor who saw my potential, my friends and loved ones today, and people whose lives have inspired me.  

 

Encircled by the light, and realizing that I'm not alone, I begin my day grateful for the love and light that has graced my life.

 

You can create your own circle of light in this brief meditation.

  • Take a few moments now to close your eyes.
  • Breathe slowly and deeply, focusing your attention on your heart .
  • Now think of someone—a friend, family member, even a beloved pet—who has brought the light of love into your life. This can be someone from the past or someone you know now, for all are eternally present in your heart.
  • Breathing in, see the light increase as you think of this benefactor, and then the next.
  • Notice how you are feeling as the circle of light increases.

 

Then when you're ready, gently open your eyes, realizing that you are never alone, and that you can share and expand this circle of light throughout your day.

 

I wish you greater light and joy on the path.

 

Reference 

Makransky, J.(2007). Awakening through love: Unveiling your deepest goodness. Boston, MA: Wisdom Publications.

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Overcoming Hope Challenges

When you face challenges and disappointments as many of us are these days, these five steps from the Hopeful Mindsets Project can help you see beyond the darkness and bring the light of hope to your life (iFred, 2021).Together, these 5 steps spell SHINE.

 

The S in Shine stands for Stress Skills. When we feel stressed by our challenges, we can pause for 90 seconds, take slow deep mindful breaths, connect with nature, or confide in a friend. These skills will bring us back to center and help renew our hope.

 

The H in Shine stands for Happiness Habits. We can keep our hope alive by doing things that make us healthy and happy, like exercising, eating healthy food, listening to our favorite music, and spending time with friends.

 

The I in Shine stands for Inspired Action. This means setting goals that bring greater joy and meaning to our lives and making a plan to reach, finding alternatives if one of our steps is blocked, and moving forward one step at a time.

 

The N in Shine stands for our Hope Network, our supportive team of people who care about us, who encourage and support us. We can build our hope by connecting with people on our hope team often.

 

The E in Shine stands for Eliminating Challenges to Hope—these are external challenges like setbacks and  disappointments as well as internal challenges like old limiting beliefs about ourselves, worry, rumination, and focusing on what we can't control instead of recognizing what we can.

 

If you've been feeling blocked and disappointed in an important area of your life, you can overcome this hope challenge by recognizing it as a shadow on the path. You can find the light of hope by first using your stress skills, pausing for 90 seconds, taking slow deep breaths. Then reconnect with your happiness habits—spending time in nature, listening to your favorite music, and seeking support from your hope network. When you connect with the light, you'll find expansive new possibilities where you had never seen them before, moving forward in the light of inspired action.

 

Instead of getting stuck in darkness and disappointment, you can use your hope skills to shine the light on new possibilities. In 2008 when Barack Obama lost the New Hampshire primary, instead of giving up, he drew upon his hope skills, giving his memorable "Yes We Can" speech, energizing himself, inspiring his followers, and going on to win the presidency.

 

With renewed hope we, too, can see beyond the darkness to the light, moving forward in life with new energy and inspiration. Yes We Can.

 

I wish you joy in the days ahead and renewed hope to light your way.

 

Reference

 

International Foundation for Research and Education on Depression (iFred). (2021). The Hopeful Mindsets Project. https://hopefulmindsets.com/

 

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Cultivating Your Hope Network

The ancient wisdom of the Tao Te Ching tells us that:

 

The Tao leader creates harmony

Reaching from the heart

To build community.

     (Tao, chapter 49)

 

Today we need community more than ever to restore our hope. In the midst of the COVID pandemic, research reveals alarming rates of depression and anxiety worldwide (Nochaiwong, Ruengorn, Thavorn, et al., 2021). In America, 84% of adults have been experiencing prolonged stress and 40% have had symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2021; Panchal, Kamal, Cox, & Garfield, 2021).

 

Research has shown that we need a sense of community to live healthy lives (Fredrickson, 2013; Seligman, 2011; Umberson &Montez, 2010). The Hopeful Mindsets project has found that building a Hope Network is one of the five keys to restoring our hope (iFred, 2021).

 

Do you have a Hope Network--a supportive team of people who care about you?  Not just anyone but people you can trust and confide in, who offer encouragement and support, who make you feel better when you're around them.

 

Who's on your hope team? Your best friend? A wise mentor? A trusted family member? A supportive teacher, doctor, therapist, faith leader, counselor, or coach? As you cultivate your hope network, become more aware of  the quality of your connections. Someone who makes you feel inferior or drains your energy can only be an acquaintance, not someone for your hope network. Cultivate your hope network intentionally,strengthening your current connections and building new ones with these five steps inspired by the Hopeful Mindsets Project (iFred, 2021).

 

1.      Listen with empathy to the people around you. Often, the best gift you can give someone is simply letting them know they've been seen and heard. Ask how they feel, then take a deep breath and just listen, reflecting back what you've heard.

2.      Practice Openness. Take your relationship deeper than simply talking about the weather, sports, or the latest news. Begin sharing your feelings, goals, and challenges as you listen to theirs.

3.      Forgive yourself and others. We all make mistakes. When you think of a past mistake, give yourself self-compassion, realizing it's only human to make mistakes and forgive yourself (Neff, 2011). If you've been harboring feelings of hurt, anger, or resentment toward someone, consider one thing you've learned from this experience. This may mean standing up for yourself and setting better boundaries  (Neff, 2021). Give yourself self-compassion, then release the negative feelings, and move on.

4.      Express appreciation with the 5:1 rule.  Consciously look for the good in the people around you and point it out, giving five positive comments for every critical one.

5.      Perform simple acts of kindness not only with friends and family but also when you're out doing errands. Hold the door open for a person carrying packages or let someone with only a few grocery items go ahead of you in line. Challenge yourself to perform at least one act of kindness each day.

 

Now think of one step you can take to cultivate your hope network—can you listen, be more open,  forgive yourself and others, express appreciation, or perform an act of kindness? As you take that step, feel a warm sense of connection and community as you bring greater hope to your life and the world.

 

I wish you joy on the path.

 

References

 

American Psychiatric Association. (2021, February 2). U.S. adults report highest stress level since early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2021/02/adults-stress-pandemic

 

Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become. New York, NY: Hudson Street Press.

 

International Foundation for Research and Education on Depression (iFred). (2021). The Hopeful Mindsets Project. https://hopefulmindsets.com/

 

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind. New York, NY: William Morrow.

 

Neff, K. (2021). Fierce self-compassion: How women can harness kindness to speak up, claim their power, and thrive. New York, NY: Harper Wave.

 

Nochaiwong, S., Ruengorn, C., Thavorn, K. et al. (2021). Global prevalence of mental health issues among the general population during the coronavirus disease-2019 pandemic: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Scientific Reports, 11, 10173. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-89700-8

 

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