Diane Dreher

I believe that we live on two levels—as our separate self and as connected in an expansive sense of oneness.

Our separate self give each of us our name, personal history, individual identity, and accomplishments. But the separate self can also bring us insecurity, fear of inadequacy, anxiety, and worries about ourself, our appearance, our goals and achievements.

Beneath the layer of our separate self is our underlying unity, our oneness with all of life. We can sense this oneness in moments of awe and inspiration, in the beauty of nature, the power of love, in meditation,  community, and the arts, in times we are so connected to the present moment that we transcend our separation, drawn into a deep state of oneness.

Our former surgeon general, Dr. Vivek Murthy warned that we have an epidemic of loneliness and isolation which compromises our emotional and physical health (2023). For feelings of isolation can produce chronic stress, anxiety, and fear. Advertisers exploit the insecurity of our separate self so they can sell us their products as solutions. And authoritarian leaders seek to divide us from each other and control us with fear.

But we can transcend insecurity and isolation of our separate self by connecting with our essential oneness. We can find transcendence through the power of awe, the sense of inspiration and wonder when we connect with something larger than ourselves. Where do you find this connection?

I invite you to join me now to focus on what connects you.

Recall a time when you felt an expansive sense of connection and oneness with something beyond your separate self—a sense of joy and inspiration.

• Was it experiencing the beauty of nature? Looking up at a tall tree or a radiant sunset?
• Sharing time with a loved one?
• Experiencing a work of art—music, drama, poetry, or the visual arts? Participating in the process of creativity as you became one with the present moment? Or was it something else?

Breathe into that experience now.

Feel the embrace of that expansive, inspiring, and energizing experience of oneness.

In the days ahead, make it a point to connect with the sense of oneness. Take time to experience what inspires you. Make this a regular part of your life, a new habit to bring greater light to your life for your own good and the good of us all.

For experiencing this deeper sense of connection will empower you to take positive action to bring more connection, harmony, and peace to our world.

I wish you joy on the path.

Reference

Murthy, V. H. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

Lately, many of us have been living in fear. Current political news can make us feel afraid that we are not safe. Some of my friends say they're afraid to speak up, to disagree, to act on their beliefs for fear of what could happen to them. But while there are disruptive forces out there, surrendering to fear is not the answer.

As Franklin Delano Roosevelt said in his First Inaugural Address during the dark days of the Depression: "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance" (1933).

In today's challenging times, it is up to each of us to find ways to transform the reductive reaction of fear into the possibility for positive action. For we cannot act wisely when reacting from fear, which plunges us into fight, flight, or freeze—three reactions that reduce our actions to defensiveness, retreat, or passivity.

How do we transform the energy of fear? The Bible tells us that "perfect love casts out fear" (1 John, 4:18). Recent research in positive psychology has found how we can transcend fear with the power of awe, the sense of inspiration and wonder when we connect with something larger than ourselves (Keltner, 2024).

I invite you to join me now in a brief reflection to experience the power of awe.

• Take a deep mindful breath and slowly release it. Then recall a time when you felt a sense of awe, an expansive connection and oneness with something beyond your ego—a sense of joy and inspiration.
• Was it experiencing the beauty of nature—perhaps walking in the woods, seeing a radiant sunset, or gazing at the stars overhead?
• Was it appreciating a work of art—music, drama, poetry, or the visual arts?
• Was it sharing time with a loved one?
• Feeling flow, as you participated in the process of creativity?
• Or something else?

Breathe into that experience now, feeling it in the present moment, expansive, inspiring, and energizing.

In the days ahead, make it a point to restore your inner balance by connecting with awe on a regular basis. Reach out to connect with whatever brings you that joyous, expansive feeling of awe.

Experiencing awe will dispel the fear reaction, bring more light to your life, and enable you to take positive action to bring more light to the world.

I wish you joy on the path.

References

Keltner, D. (2024). Awe: The new science of everyday wonder and how it can transform your life. New York, NY: Penguin Random House.

Roosevelt, F. D. (1933, March 4). First Inaugural Address. https://avalon.law.yale.edu/20th_century/froos1.asp

Each night I look up at the stars outside my window. Sometimes I see moving stars, airplanes flying overhead, the miracle of flight as they rise above the earth.

These days, many of us are feeling dragged down in spirit. The endless storms of information, ads, disinformation, and distressing news can trigger our fear, anxiety, worries, and what Shakespeare called "the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to."  But we can take heart from the miracle of flight.

My father, Colonel Frank Dreher, a pioneer in aviation, has always inspired me. Following his example, I took flying lessons. I was amazed to find that when I drove a Cessna 150 down the runway at 55 miles per hour, it would take off, developing lift from the wind beneath my wings.

Like in the poem, "High Flight," by John Gillespie Magee, I'd "slip the surly bonds of earth" to fly high into the bright blue sky.

Now it's your turn to fly. Looking at your own life, what is it that lifts you above the downward drag of worry and anxiety?

What is it that gives you wings?

Think back to a time when you felt your spirit rise above "the surly bonds of earth." When did you feel your heart filled with joy, wonder, and a sense of grace? Recall that time now in your imagination.

• Where were you?
• What were you doing?
• What brought you this lift?
• Was it connecting with nature? Music? A loved one? A moment of unexpected beauty and grace?

Take a deep breath and connect with that feeling now. Know that you have the power to rise above the stresses of mundane reality to feel greater joy, hope, and renewal.

When you are ready, smile and look around you, discovering new opportunities to find your wings and fly.

I wish you joy in the process.

Unlike countries like France, Germany, England, and Spain, America was not founded on regional boundaries or nationalities but on a dream of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." And unless your ancestors were Native Americans or brought here as slaves, they came here as immigrants in search of that dream.

At the base of the Statue of Liberty, the poetic words of the writer Emma Lazarus proclaim:

                 "Give me your tired, your poor

                  Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. . . .

                  Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.

                  I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

As we begin this new year, despite the darkness and divisions of our times, we can each re-connect with that dream that endures as a shining light to guide us in the days ahead.

And you can pause to ask yourself, "What is the dream of freedom that can light my life today?

If you have a few moments now to connect with your dream, you can join me in this brief meditation.

• First close your eyes or shift them into a gentle downward gaze.
• Then breathe in, focusing on your heart and slowly breathe out. You can put your hand on your heart if you wish.
• Again, slowly breathe in and slowly breathe out.
• Breathing in, breathing out, feeling your shoulders relax, your mind becoming more peaceful.
• As you continue this slow heart-focused breathing, visualize the Statue of Liberty and ask yourself, "What dream of freedom is calling to me now?" 
• Take your time to listen, breathing into your heart, feeling a joyous connection to the greater oneness of life.
• The answer will come, now or later as a gentle message from your heart.
• When you're ready, gently open your eyes and return to the present moment.

I wish you joy in taking the first step in the direction of your dream.

Reference

Statue of Liberty photo. (2009, November 7). Dominique James. https://www.flickr.com/photos/dominiquejames/4621961395/ Creative Commons Attribution. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Statue_of_Liberty_-_4621961395.jpg

During the dark days of winter, many of us are feeling anxious and concerned about our future and our world. Yet in these times of darkness, political polarization, and uncertainty, we can still find ways to connect with the light and bring greater hope to our lives.

Years ago, in my college French class, I learned about Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, who wrote Le Petit Prince (The Little Prince). Saint-Exupéry was a pilot. He wrote about how, when flying at night, he'd look up at the stars and then down at the lights of people in their homes below. He called the lights below him "les étoiles vivantes, living stars. Stars above and stars below. Each person was a living star. This inspiring image has stayed with me ever since.  

Today, these étoiles vivantes, these living stars,  are the people around us—our loved ones, friends, and neighbors. And when we connect, we can see the light in their eyes and they can see ours.

Many traditions remind us to connect with the light beyond the darkness. During the winter holidays, Catholics light Advent candles for the four weeks before Christmas. My Jewish friends light the candles of the menorah to celebrate the eight days of Hanukkah, and my African American neighbors light red, black, and green candles in late December in the cultural celebration of Kwanzaa.

Now, instead of surrendering to the darkness or rushing through our daily tasks, we can pause to look more deeply and discover new ways to connect with the light. We can experience:  

• The light of appreciation for the moments of beauty in the world around us.
• The light of gratitude, when we pause to give thanks for the daily blessings in our lives.
• The light of compassion, when we connect with each other with greater kindness and understanding.
• The light of self-compassion, when we extend this kindness to ourselves.
• The light of inspiration that can guide us on our path.
• And the light of awe and wonder as we look up at the stars.

This year, more than ever, when we face the darkness and distress of political conflict, polarization, and uncertainty, I invite you to connect more often with the light within and around you. For by connecting, we can increase the light to bring greater hope to our lives and our world.

_________________

Reference

Photograph: (2013). Michael J. Bennett. A starry night sky with a tree silhouette in the left corner. Wikimedia Creative Commons Attribution. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Night_Sky_Stars_Trees_02.jpg

We live in a painfully polarized country and divided world. Each day, our minds are divided by an avalanche of news of political unrest and natural disasters along with nonstop social media. I'm convinced that our divided attention has led to personal imbalance, insecurity, and anxiety, resulting in increased fear, defensiveness, and political polarization.

We can begin healing our external imbalance by first healing our divided minds, for research has shown that a divided mind is an insecure, imbalanced mind, subject to chronic stress.[1] In this stressful state, we cannot think clearly, listen to the people around us, or listen to our own inner wisdom. We cannot solve our problems effectively and build bridges of greater understanding in our world.

We can start healing our divided minds by practicing what meditation teacher Eknath Easwaran has called "one-pointed attention," focusing on one thing at a time in the present moment. [2]

This means really listening, focusing on the person who's talking to you, focusing on the vegetables you're slicing for dinner, and when you're out on the road, focusing on your driving—all without

worrying, planning, or multitasking. Just being present.

Whatever you've been doing, you can practice one-pointed attention by taking a slow, deep, mindful breath and slowly releasing it, focusing on being present right here and right now.

For the rest of the day, I encourage you to practice one-pointed attention—when you're walking, working, listening to someone, preparing a meal, or something else. Whenever you catch your mind wandering, multitasking, worrying, or planning, take a slow, deep breath, and slowly breathe out to return to the here and now.

Perhaps a reminder will help you remember to practice. Some of my clients wear a rubber band on their wrists, my friend Juan wears a Buddhist mala bracelet, and I wear a bracelet of clear beads to remind me to be more present.

Enjoy this simple practice and I wish you greater peace on the path.

References
[1] Killingsworth, M.A., & Gilbert, D. (2010,12 November). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, 330, 932.

 
[2] For a discussion of one-pointed attention, see Easwaran, E. (2008). Passage Meditation. Tomales, CA: Nilgiri Press.

I often hear people refer to the American Dream—as having a good job, a family, a house, and two cars in the garage. And many people strive for this dream.

On one level, this version of the American dream makes sense. According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, we all have needs for basic survival, food, and shelter. Yet there is more to life than fulfilling our physical needs. We also need a sense of belonging and fulfillment—a deeper sense of connection, purpose, and meaning .[1]

In the Renaissance, people believed that everyone had unique talents and strengths and they were expected to use them to fulfill their destiny and contribute to the greater good. This was a time of tremendous creativity from artists, writers, scientists, and leaders, when a poor boy from the English countryside whose parents could only sign their names with an X brought his strengths to the London stage as William Shakespeare.

This Renaissance of possibility still exists today. When we each develop and use our strengths, this creates a positive ripple effect where we all benefit.

I've seen this effect in the people I know. I've met someone who grew up as poor boy from the southern California desert with an alcoholic father and suicidal mother, then  became a brain surgeon, author, and founder of Stanford University's Center for Compassion, positively impacting many lives. Another person I know was a secretary at my university who volunteered to work for social justice, improving the lives of farm workers, the hungry, and homeless, and becoming an inspiration to all who knew her.

Now it's your turn. You can explore your own dream by thinking of someone you admire for living their dream of aspiration. Think of someone who's inspired you. As you focus on this person, take a mindful moment to embrace this person's life and inspiration. Visualize them. Feel a sense of connection. And ask yourself, "What do I admire so much about them?  What lesson do they have for me?" 

Now ask yourself, "What is my dream?" Pause and listen for the answer.

Be patient. The answer will come, now or later, as you see yourself living your own dream, reaching out to fulfill your destiny.  

When you are ready, you can take the next step toward your dream.[2]

References.

[1] Maslow, A. H. (1971). The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. New York, NY: Viking Books.

 
[2] Cloud image, Kritzolina. Clouds over a Covelong Beach. 24 April 2023. Wikimedia Commons. Creative Commons Attributions Share Alike. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clouds_over_a_Covelong_Beach_08.jpg

It's hard to live in peace when we are surrounded by gossip from negative rumors in the workplace to breaking news and online chatter about the lives of celebrities and politicians.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines gossip as "idle talk, trifling or groundless rumor."[1] When one of my favorite writers, Henry David Thoreau, would walk into town, he experienced his neighbors' talk about other people, local events, and the news as gossip.

When Thoreau had what he called "a surfeit of human society and gossip," he'd return to his cabin in the woods for peace and renewal.[2] And that was before radio, television, phones, social media, and stories of celebrities and political personalities.

Gossip on the media assaults us with noisy trivia, plunging us into chronic stress. And the cycle continues. When we're feeling stressed, we often seek distraction in online gossip.

Over 150 year ago, Thoreau realized, "Our life is frittered away by detail.. . Simplify. Simplify." [3] To restore our peace of mind in this busy, noisy world, we need to simplify.

Here are some possibilities:

• You can recognize the allure of online gossip, then STOP to ask yourself, "Do I really need to know the latest about some celebrity or political personality?"
• When you need to take a break, instead of being distracted by social media and sucked into mindless gossip, look out your window at the bright blue sky. Or better yet, step outside. You might even walk around to increase your circulation and raise your mood. Or you can look up at the sky, take a deep mindful breath and slowly release it.

Did you know that taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling—diaphragmatic breathing—can stimulate your vagus nerve and activate your parasympathetic nervous system, relieving stress and returning you to a state of calm? It's a simple stress reliever you always have with you.

I invite you to join me in this simple practice right now.

• Close your eyes if you wish and take a long deep breath in through your nose, hold your breath briefly for a count of 5, then breathe out through your mouth and say to yourself "I am calm, I am peaceful."
• Once more, take a long deep breath in through your nose, hold your breath briefly, then breathe out through your mouth and say to yourself "I am calm, I am peaceful."
• Now feel yourself more calm and peaceful, right here and right now.

Whenever you feel stressed, you can use this simple breathing technique to return to a calmer, more peaceful state.[4]

I wish you joy and peace on the path.

References

[1] Oxford English Dictionary. (2024). "Gossip." https://www.oed.com/search/dictionary/?scope=Entries&q=gossip

[2] Thoreau, H.D. (1999). Walden. New York, NY: New American Library. Quote in Chapter 9, "The Ponds," p. 138. Originally published in 1854.

 
[3] Thoreau, Walden, Chapter 2, "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For," p. 73.

 
[4] Breathing practice adapted from Jordan Friedman's wonderful "Quick Calm" practice. For more insights on stress management, see https://www.thestresscoach.com/about

Creative and reactive—these words look almost the same but are polar opposites.

Creative people live their lives with active choice and a sense of agency, discovering new opportunities, creating new possibilities for themselves and those around them.

Reactive people surrender their agency and control of their lives, programmed by external pressures.

It's a challenge to live creatively today when we're inundated by tidal waves of advertising and social media, competing for the valuable asset of our attention. It's all too easy to get dragged down into an undertow of enticing information, to surrender our time, our energy, and our sense of self.

Yet each of us is a unique, creative individual with our own special strengths. As I explain in my book, Your Personal Renaissance,[1] when people began believing that they had their own unique strengths to discover and use, this belief inspired the Renaissance. In an unprecedented wave of creativity, artists, writers, scientists, and leaders in many fields flourished. And a poor boy from the English countryside whose parents could only sign their names with an X brought his strengths to the London stage as William Shakespeare.

In our own time, positive psychology has confirmed the power of discovering and using our strengths. Extensive international research has revealed that beyond our cultural differences, there are 24 character strengths common to humankind. The researchers found and that discovering and using our top strengths can make us happier, healthier, and more successful.[2]

You can discover your own top character strengths by taking the free online survey at https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths-via which should take only ten to fifteen minutes.

What are your top strengths? Can you begin using some of them in new ways to begin living more creatively?

Who knows? If enough of us start using our strengths, we can make a positive difference in our lives. And we may even reverse the reactive trend in our culture to create a new Renaissance for our time.

References

[1] Dreher, D. E. (2008). Your Personal Renaissance: 12 Steps to Finding Your Life's True Calling. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo.

 
[2] Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association; Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N, & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60, 410-421.

Every morning, I meditate, wrapped up in a beautiful quilt made by my dear friend Tina, and my little dog, Ginny likes it too. My quilt combines a variety of fabrics in lavender and white, stitched together in geometric patterns.

Many of us are drawn to patterns, seeing separate pieces come together to form a larger whole. My friend Judy brings floral arrangements from her rose garden to her favorite coffee shop. Some of my friends enjoy assembling jigsaw puzzles. Others like working with wood. I enjoy stitching needlepoint tapestries, seeing the colorful yarns blend together in intricate patterns.

There are many patterns in the world around us. In my travels, I've met people with different personalities, backgrounds, talents, strengths, languages, cultures, and beliefs, seeing us all as vital parts of the larger human community. Yet these days, many of us feel threatened by our differences, reacting in fear, unaware of the larger patterns that connect us all.

The wisdom of nature shows us that beyond our fears, beyond all the reactive polarization, is the intrinsic oneness that connects us. The trees in my neighborhood breathe in what we breathe out, in an ongoing exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide that sustains all our lives.  

This week, look around you, taking time to notice nature's patterns—the shifting clouds overhead, mountains and valleys, green hills and deep blue sky. Look for the different colors and patterns in your neighborhood—the tall oak tree in your neighbor's yard, summer roses in bloom, neighbors of all ages and stages in life. Listen for the daily symphony of sounds, the whispering of the wind, the songs of birds, even a neighbor's dog barking in the distance.

Then pause to recall a time when you felt part of the larger pattern of life. Was it seeing the beauty of a summer sunset, looking up at the branches of a tall tree, walking in the woods, seeing squirrels scamper through the trees, birds flying overhead, or new seedlings emerge from the ground, connecting with someone you know, or something else?

Focus on that experience, breathing into your heart, and for the next few moments, pause to appreciate that experience, realizing how you are part of the essential oneness of life.